Antagonism

View from window today. Hard to keep up the pessimism...
View from window today. Hard to keep up the pessimism...

Do you know that weird and distinctly unpleasant feeling when somebody around you actively dislikes you? There’s a mother in my son’s new school who at first seemed like a nice person. Very well groomed, pretty, nice language, etc. Engaged her in conversation (at “event”) to find out more about her. Very quickly I felt an extreme amount of condescension and wondered what I’d done to antagonise her so quickly? When I met her again a week or so later it was even worse. Such a horrible sinking feeling.

However, two things happened to put me somewhat at ease. The first thing was that at this second occasion I overheard her speak in the exact same way to several other people. The other that I was reminded of another woman I’ve met recently, also beautiful, well groomed and this one even married to a lovely man, who acts in the same way.

So I gather that I’m “a type” that this kind of women can’t be bothered with. This is very puzzling. It’s absolutely OK not to like me, there are lots of people I don’t like. But usually I get to know them before I decide whether I like them or not? (unless they say something really horrible in the first 3 sentences). A lovely friend I’ve got here in the UK says that I’m much more direct than most British and that this is very likely to put some people off. Well, that sure also put some people off back in Denmark, but I believe it could be worse here, where people never seem to say anything, even the most innocent, straight out.

I was ridiculously happy when my otherwise tolerant and super-easygoing husband, on his own accord and quite without prompting, said of the second woman: “I truly dislike her. Pity, because I like the husband.” Yeah!!! So wonderful to know that it wasn’t just me.

I always try hard, really hard, to put these things behind me, but as you can see from this post, I don’t find it easy. I think it’s to do with my background – I was seriously bullied as a child and frightfully lonely. Once I started in high school all was good, but I guess these things stick!

Another blogger and twitterer wrote about an episode of adult bullying recently. I so empathised with her! Actually, her audacious blog post brought good things with it, so read her next post as well.

Share